There I was, my moment of chance. My mind making it hard but I made my stance. I made the decision to spend that moment with him. I became eager to please as I made him a grilled cheese. We ate in harmony even though my mind was snarling at me not giving in to it's relentless torture that would cause my sons misfortune of not having my attention. Today my mind is what I chose to neglect no matter the tension it will cause.
“In order to be what you need to be you must want to be. Otherwise you won't ever see the way”
My same mistake leads to the same fate. When will I learn but when was I taught or have I just forgot, must remedy my impulses but my mind continues to bust wide open with apathy towards the corrections that will send me in a better direction. All I can do is try again and deal with the suspension of the, hope to make better decisions.
“Just because you want to change and do better doesn't mean it'll happen when you want it to, but rather, when you've put enough work in”
I'm tired, exhausted is a better word. Trying to keep up with my duties, it's absurd the responsibilities that are cast upon me. When I was a child, I couldn't imagine life as it is. I assumed it was like a sharp knife through butter but it's more like a torch through steel. And the torch doesn't always work. I wished I'd seen further into the intuition of my future that has matured.
“I'm teaching my kids about real life hoping they don't have my same strife.”
I don't have much time to practice, falling off my axis. I'm hanging on, realize that if I don't carry on will fatalize my chances of success. Consequences of giving up are brutal at the realizations that to continue means to start over, feeling as if you're trying to become sober. The addiction to fear is hard to break until you realize that quitting is your only mistake.
“Realize the future of your decisions before hand.”
You messed up again. Decision taking you backwards and the water is at your knees making it hard to move forward. You reach and reach but your feet are in concrete of doubt. No one will hear you, no need to shout. But if you just did without, you'd be around this obstacle but your judgement clouded your mind, blinding your vision. Relax, find the road, even if you got to back track.
“You can't get move forward in life until you realize you're going the wrong way.”
To sit and enjoy myself, deploy my mind and body to relax. My children corralled for me so I'm able to concentrate on what I want to do. My mind won't wonder for I'm entertained with football, that my mind has ordained. I'm thankful my wife gives me this time to worship such a materialistic activity. I must repay her, show her my sensitivity towards our balance that makes us so close. That's what good relationships are about. Making sure each other gets what they deserve.
“Balance is made, not given.”